Sarah's Journal

by Johnnysbiotch
http://www.freewebs.com/wallpapergalore

Dear Johnny,

Wow I guess I have to find a new name for you since it happened today. Yes it happened something that they told me would have never happened came true today. I started my day just like any other, I made Little Johnny's lunch, tuna fish. Only to find out that the tuna fish sandwich I've been making everyday he has in return been trading it with someone else. Then it happened, the phone rang and I thought that my heart would literally beat out of the chest.

I ran to the hospital. I never liked going there in the past. I mean once Johnny got moved there it was pretty much time to give up on the miracle that I knew was going to happen and everyone told me that it wouldn't. I knew that Johnny would wake up but they said that he wouldn't. That I would be making a huge mistake if I took the time and sit and wait.

Waiting, I guess I should've waited. I mean six years would have been a long wait but I guess it would have been worth it. When I went there today and they willed him out I could've died. He was wearing a pair of jogging pant's and a little sweater but it was him. It was Johnny. Of course he was skinner than the last time I saw him and he was acting a little weird but all and all it was Johnny the man I fell in love with.

"You see I wore my tux", he joked. God I missed that. He was Johnny and we sat and talked and I felt uneasy telling him about Walt, but I didn't have to. Apparently Johnny has gone through some changes. He doesn't like to be touched, he picked up a phobia. Johnny doesn't suffer from phobias, but apparently something to do with touch triggers things. I didn't even have to tell him I was married he knew. He also knew about my family, or should I say our family.

What am I going to do now? I mean I love Johnny, but I also love Walt. Walt is a great guy and when I was about to become a single mother he was there for me. He helped me when no one else would, and he married me so that my son, our son would have a father we he grew up. No one said he would wake up. I just thought that one day I would get the call, and I put on my best black dress and I'd go and say good bye to him. That he would have passed on in his sleep peacefully. No one told me he would wake up, why is this happening to me.

I have to mean that I love deeply. One was there for me my whole life. Knows my deepest and my darkest and is truly my best friend. Then there's another man, who has taught me to love in a different way. Who is kind and gentle, who I can depend on. Who is the only father that my son has ever known.

You should have seen Johnny's face when I told him about Little Johnny. At first I don't think it had registered until I said how he was a hockey player just like his dad. The look on his face cut like a knife. He wanted to cry but I think he saved his tears until I left. He just had that look on his face and he started to play with his wrist. I dropped the bomb and then I got up and left.

I should have stayed but I didn't know what to say, I didn't know what he expected of me. I didn't know what I expected of me. It's Johnny and he's alive and well. He's a few minutes away in a hospital room all alone. No mom, no dad, no me, no one. A part of me wants to get right up and put on some clothes and go sit by his bedside like I did many nights before this horrible ordeal happened. But I can't, I have to stay here with Walt my husband. Oh diary what am I going to do? The man I love is back.

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